Answering the Dreaded Question

Hi, Beautiful People! I pray this post blesses you in the way you need.

As with most of my personal blog entries, I'm writing this reluctantly. Do I feel like pouring out my feelings? No. Do I feel motivated enough to even be typing this out? No. Will I do it anyway? Yes. The only reason to go beyond my feelings is because of a deeper pull. God led me here; thus, I expect He will guide me as I share. If you want to know exactly what question I'm responding to, well, let's get into it.

One of my best friends (I'm richly blessed to have her) texted me this dreaded question: "How are you?". I was horrified when I received it two and a half weeks ago because I had no answer; and I'm still stuck on it today...clearly. I have ruminated on how to respond; but I still haven't settled on the right reply. My best friend deserves an honest answer to such an innocent, considerate inquiry. I don't know how writing an article will help; yet, here we are. Mind you, am I being the teeny tiniest bit dramatic…maybe; but it’s my story to tell so let’s continue…

What's interesting is that my reaction to that text would normally be quite different. I always feel loved when my bestie asks about me (and this time was no different); yet, I have no words, even for someone I dearly love who I can always speak to freely. This must be because I'm not being honest with myself first. Since usually, I would have been more than glad to share my ups and downs while neatly wrapping it up with a bow of generous gratitude. My inability to sort my thoughts and feelings lets me know just how jumbled up they have become. A simple question demands a simple answer; yet that's the thing, there's nothing simple about how I've been doing these last few weeks. Do I focus on the negatives (grief, chronic illness dips, circumstantial stressors, etc.) or do I focus on the positives (God's Goodness, my blessings, etc.) instead? Hmmm, I could have went on longer with the struggles; but I have little to share on the upside, apart from the Lord. Maybe that's why there's been such a block in responding. The reality is I have had quite a few hard hits recently; but only sharing my difficulties feels ungrateful.

Life has been challenging lately, deeply challenging. I'm shedding tears as I write this because there's no clear resolution in sight to the problems I'm facing. I feel like I'm being wrung out like a wet washcloth, except I don't know what's left of me to give. I believe that God is working it all out for His Glory and my good. However, it doesn't mean it's any less painful. In this moment, I'm realizing the Lord doesn't need me to shy away from my pain to honor Him. He needs me to trust Him with it; and I do. Ignoring my fears isn't healthy -- acknowledging them and laying them down before Him is the way to freedom. I've been wrapping myself up in knots, tighter and tighter, by refusing to face the magnitude of my struggles. I thought ignoring them to focus on God's Goodness would diminish their looming stature. It has only made them bigger in my mind's eye. It's time to refute lies with His Truth by facing these struggles head-on because I never stand alone. The Lord is always with me.

With that in mind, it's finally time to answer that little question with big implications. I'm finally ready. *takes a deep breath* How am I? .... "I am in a battle that is testing my limits and requiring me to lean more heavily on Jesus. I am uncomfortable being stretched this far. I feel exhausted by the struggles I thought God would have handled long ago. I don't know the answers to the problems I'm facing; and that scares me which only drains me further. I can only say I'm doing well in spite of all this because of God's Sustaining Power. I am confidently hopeful of the redeeming beauty God has in store. He has me in His Hands; and I choose to let that be more than enough." Wow. What a beautiful journey of self-discovery that my bestie unknowingly yet lovingly ignited. Maybe this is a sign to reach out to a loved one because you never know how God might use you to bless them.

I know I'm not the only one who feels like this (or has felt like this); thus, I pray God leads people to this post who can relate. If you can't relate right now, that's a blessing so please pray for those of us who can. Speaking of praying for others, that's something we can all do and need to do. I've been a bit too wrapped up in my own challenges. I need to get myself off my mind. I suppose I'll conclude with the three words that started all this: How are you?

Colorfully,

CC

Here are a few corresponding Bible Verses that I pray will guide you as you seek Him...

"The Lord is my Shepherd; I have all that I need." ~Psalms 23:1

"And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

~John 8:32

"This is my command — be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

~Joshua 1:9

"Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted. Unless the Lord protects a city, guarding it will do no good. It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones."

~Psalms 127:1-2

"And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His Love." ~Romans 5:5

"O Jacob, how can you say the LORD does not see your troubles? O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights? Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary.

No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."

~Isaiah 40:27-31

"Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His Promises to her!" ~Luke 1:45

"I love all who love Me. Those who search will surely find Me."

~Proverbs 8:17